Listening is louder than it sounds.
The more obsessed, the more vociferous we get. Idea machines must be willing to share compelling stories, but listening is part of any transmission. This is obvious, but with precious airtime up for grabs and knowing so much about our own interests, listening can devolve into feeling like a required distraction.
Extra Shot
Hearing is passive.
Listening is active.
As we guide people through the layers of understanding, active listening forms a bond much faster than forcing ourselves to be heard. The fear of not having time to deliver our message will linger, but when we truly tune into what another person is saying, it shows we care. Active listening also helps us better harmonize our thoughts within the moment and counters the common mistake of overloading others with too much numbing details all at once. Knowing each conversation is part of a broader relationship journey, good listeners are almost always given a chance to make a bigger impact.
Ready for an experiment? The next time you meet someone new, embrace your inner scientist. Set your introverted/extroverted mindset aside and focus your attention on asking as many thoughtful questions as you can. The less you talk, the better. This will feel awkward if you just fire question after question, so be concise with each response, then return to thoughtful questions for a more natural interaction. Consider expanding this social experiment by purposely doing this throughout an entire networking event. Remember who you talked with and track how the listening-focused conversations evolve. Over time, how do these relationships compare with others where you’ve been less intent on listening?
Here are tactics to support your listening practice:
- Center your internal attention.
- Stay engaged with eye contact.
- Use jarring questions to dodge small talk.
- Don’t interrupt or jump to conclusions.
- Occasionally paraphrase what was said.
- Avoid the urge to make it about you.
- Ask curious questions to go deeper.
- Use non-verbal cues to express attention.
- Record and share a few key takeaways.
- Exit gracefully, without a sense of rush.
- Follow up with one more question.
- Ask about progress next time you meet.
This type of active listening will not only extend your ability to hear. It will also make your responses more in-tune with what others are thinking versus always trying to prove your point. Selflessness may keep a conversation from landing exactly where we want in that moment, but as we move from one topic to the next, we learn how others work.
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Listening within a support network ignites optimism, connection, and motivation. A healthy balance involves listening to challenge networks, which keeps us intellectually humble and rooted in reality.
When done well, an unspoken bond is formed. This synchronization curates future conversations that are enforced by shared enthusiasm.
Brewed From Within
#34 📖 Leadership
