Happiness

Hole-In-One

I grew up playing golf, but inadvertently fell out of the game due to work and other priorities. I‘d been longing to get back into the game, but kept procrastinating. So, when my friend Ben asked me to join him for 9 holes to celebrate his 40th birthday at Glen Oaks, I thought… here’s my chance! (LESSON #1: yes = adventure)

At first, I was intimidated and hesitant to have my first round in 8 years be at a fancy country club. I mean, I didn’t even have golf clothes, a glove, or shoes anymore, but I figured this would be a great way to dive in head first and get back out there. So, I quickly went shopping and got a few practice swings in at the driving range. (LESSON #2: now > later)

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This caffeinated contribution was written by Derek Brooks. Derek is a 40.79 year old midwestern American dude who enjoys building, traveling, partying, extremish sports, and can be found in our Roasted Reflections group on Discord.

On Ben’s birthday, I showed up to find him sipping on a Miami Vice cocktail with his buddy and business partner, Sinclair. This immediately set the stage that we were going to have some fun. Golfing with Ben was awesome. Whether it was his general demeanor, his lack of grabbing a scorecard, the way we strolled around the clubhouse, or laughs along the way, this freshly minted 40 year old was a constant reminder that we were here to relax. (LESSON #3: fun > serious)

For the first 5 holes on the back 9, my subconscious nerves were getting in the way. My hits weren’t clean and the strong winds certainly weren’t helping… But despite all the double bogeys, I was still having fun and it felt great being back on the course. (LESSON #4: fun + humility + patience = growth)

Halfway through the round, I could feel the groove coming back. On hole 15, I finally snagged my first par (Ben caught a birdie, haha). After that, we walked up to Hole 16, a 168-yard par 3, with wind in our face. Feeling incredibly relaxed, I lined up with my 7-iron and hit a super clean shot. It felt great and looked even better. The ball dropped just short and left of the pin, took 2 small hops, and then smoothly rolled right into the hole. A freakin hole-in-one. (LESSON #5: openness + growth + serendipity = opportunity)

I couldn’t believe what I’d just seen. Ben and I started screaming and laughing as we ran around the tee box. We full-on bear hugged and I think he even picked me up at one point. Neither of us knew what to do or how to act, so I just threw my gold chain on and giggled while Ben pulled out his GoPro to capture the moment.

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Watch this magical moment!

After that ace, the next hole was a complete blur, but I ended the round with a birdie on 18. If I hadn’t set my nerves/ego aside and took that opportunity to get back into the game by having my first round in 8 years at an intimidating country club, I’d still be in that procrastination loop. I would’ve never gotten my first hole-in-one or shared this incredible experience on Ben’s 40th birthday. (LESSON #6: yes + growth = celebrate)

When I think about this experience through the lens of my career as a technologist, I’m reminded that getting in over-my-head has always been the fastest way for me to grow and move forward. I’m not expecting to be cranking out hole-in-ones from here, but once again, jumping back in head first is something that I will never regret. This memorable day was the reminder I needed to push outside comfort zones, enjoy the moments, and celebrate always.

By Ben McDougal, ago

Eclipsing 40

I sit atop this hill, soaking in the darkness of a total lunar eclipse, verbally dictating this short reflection to celebrate my own 40th trip around the Sun.

As our pale blue dot moved between the moon and our closest star, I first noticed the moving shadow’s blurry edge. As I think about the time we spend on Earth, so much of it is devoted to finding our place in the universe. Even when we are so close to perfect alignment, the blur of subtle distractions will remain constant.

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Perhaps this transitory quest for totality is the impossible pursuit that makes life so much fun.

Anticipation takes over as the final sliver of moonlight goes dark. The orange haze of this blood moon is now the only cloud in the sky. Even with the cool breeze, city lights, distant traffic, and frogs burping, the twinkling stars seem to serenade the silence of this moment. As the darkness holds time still, an eerie peacefulness is accompanied by a welcomed loneliness.

My thoughts soon sync into the shadow of this cosmic darkness. This makes it useless to resist the overwhelming appreciation I have for so many people who have given my life meaning. The past 40 years are a tribute to those who brought me to this place and to the family I’ve chosen every step of the way. Thank you.

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Jodie and Kate, you are the light of my life and my own totality. Together, you set me free to wonder and have taught me the meaning of life. I’m only 40 years old, so while I look forward to much more of our story being written, whenever I do turn my final page, know that I’ll always be with you and wouldn’t have changed a single thing. I appreciate these quiet tears, knowing that my greatest achievement will always be the honor of being part of US forever.

Within the darkness of totality, I’m soon struck by the discomfort I feel, not knowing when the moonlight may return. We’ve all heard how dark it is before the dawn, yet it still feels natural to consider things that have not gone to plan. Accepting past failures, broken relationships, and the future challenges we may face was not an expected emotion, but perspective determines how we respond. I’m thankful that it’s hard to think of anyone who may need to hear this, but if I’ve ever wronged you in anyway, I want to say that I am sorry and only wish the best for you.

As the first sliver of moonlight returns, eminence joy and assuring enthusiasm seemed to rush over my mind and body. It was as if the light of our cherished moon had never been brighter. The subsiding shadow of our planet slowly released moonlight back into the night sky, which lit renewed optimism for all that is still to come.

I am so blessed to have brewed 40 remarkable years into this life. As the full moon shown brighter than ever, so will my appreciation for all that we share.

By Ben McDougal, ago

Anxiety

Our mind is divine. It gives everyone super powers and the dots we electrochemically connect makes us human. Such biological capacity allows us to achieve extraordinary things. At the same time, this mysterious grey matter can also hold us back, even cause havoc.

Anxiety is assuming failure in advance. As a mental cousin to fear, anticipation, worrying, and perhaps even desire, anxiety is like an unspoken agreement you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want. While some may argue that this exhausting emotion is all in your head, the way anxiety effects your body can be absolutely real.

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“With great power comes great responsibility.” -Uncle Ben, Spider-Man

The connected era has made the world smarter, stronger, and more efficient, but the pressure of never-ending progress leaves us vulnerable to fear and anxiety. For those who pursue greatness (which I might suggest is anyone reading this), the more we try to achieve, the tighter we wind the strings of life. When harnessed, this creates strength, artistry, grit, and persistence. As the tension tightens however, there’s bound to be a break. Being mindful of your personal bandwidth will help reduce the frequency and severity of such breakdowns, but it seems impossible to completely avoid anxiety.

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Accepting that anxiety is inevitable, may be a secret to finding equanimity.

The most common way we attempt to manage such angst, is to stop the pain by seeking reassurance. The nourishment of overthinking every scenario in an unknown future may satisfy  the moment, but scratching this itch usually makes things worse. Even if we answer every possible question, the willingness to indulge the worry sets a precedent that keeps you coming back to what can become an endless loop.

It’s much harder, but an alternate approach is to acknowledge the suffering. Don’t run from it. Appreciate the relentless internal narrative you’re dealing with. Breathe. Be thankful for having something you care this much about. Find peace knowing you’ve done your best to tip odds in your favor, but invite doubt and welcome an opportunity to be wrong. The anxiety is here and it’s dramatic, but it’s also normal. Let thoughts float by, focus your attention on what’s good, and allow time to heal the pain. Yes, this is like letting a forest fire burn without soothing it with water. It will get wild at first, but eventually burn itself out. The scorched land is then ripe for renewal and less likely to burn again. When we acknowledge anxiety this way, the resulting clarity provides an awareness that helps us understand this energy. Our courage also helps to break the cycle and over time, often reduces the frequency of such misery.

The ability to appreciate anxiety, an eagerness to lean on those who support you, and confidence in knowing the temporary pain will pass, allows the mind to need less dramatic swings to stay centered.

By Ben McDougal, ago

Dark Matter

Something that looks like nothing can still create gravitational effects.

Invisible forces may not get as much attention as the shining stars of our evening sky, but they fill our universe and impact everything. This metaphorical dark matter may be a misguided mindset. Maybe it’s an experience that altered the trajectory of your life. Perhaps it’s a habit, a relationship, or a mysterious feeling you often sense, but don’t yet understand?

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“The universe is under no obligation to make sense to you.” –@NeilTyson

No matter how your own dark matter manifests itself, the gravity it wields will attract the light of your life. As the renewing energies of Spring begin to bloom, we’re invited to look up and reflect on dark matter that may be pulling us in the wrong direction. Even the slightest reduction on a negative charge, creates a refreshing void that welcomes positive growth.

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Let’s stir in a friendly welcome and thanks again to all who tap into this weekly blog for entrepreneurs, intrapreneurs, educators, students, and community builders! After the release of YDNTB in 2021, the soon-to-be minted NFT collection commemorating its one year anniversary, and now 67 consecutive weeks writing into these Roasted Reflections, my hope is that this innovative energy keeps us all creating art in ways that feel like play to you, but looks like work to others. Stay curious and keep building!

By Ben McDougal, ago

Serendipitist

Do things always seem to work out for you?

Our internal narratives and external experiences make the cultural consequences of serendipity hard to refute. Serendipity may be pseudoscientific, but it makes sense that things we dedicate our focus and attention to, naturally attracts more of the same.

This mental model can be established in many ways. For me, the appetite for welcoming serendipitous collisions has been brewed from the eternal optimism that an entrepreneurial lifestyle constructs. No matter the source, I believe many of us are, or have the potential to be serendipitists.

Serendipitists seek adventures that invite, sometimes even require different layers of serendipity. The extend at which you control what you’re able to control (a dichotomy within stoicism), while also letting the winds of happenstance guide you through a sense of abundance, determines how often/deeply we experience this charming phenomenon.

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What’s normal for a spider, is chaos for the fly.

In the moment, not everything will work out. This is why serendipitists are often confused with just being lucky. Serendipity and luck both require preparation, openness, and opportunity. The difference between serendipity and luck, is perseverance. Over time, serendipitists share similar energies within their practice.

Serendipitists say “yes” more often.
Serendipitists consistently show up.
Serendipitists assume positive intent.
Serendipitists seek to understand.
Serendipitists are empathetic.
Serendipitists are generous.
Serendipitists stay curious.
Serendipitists fuel positive change.
Serendipitists play long-term games.
Serendipitists have fun and die empty.

As we experience serendipity, celebrate it. Recognize the random awesomeness that comes from the positivity you squeeze into the universe. Continue connecting dots, appreciate how things come together, and keep making a ruckus to feel it even more.

By Ben McDougal, ago